The headless Green Bean Men

Yes, I realize that I may be a tad bit...ummm...off.

2 nights ago I had a dream that my parents were installing a new satellite dish on the side of their home. The dish was to heavy for the house and the house fell on its side into the pool. Everything turned out OK. After they installed it correctly the house was able to regain its balance, right side up. Nothing was damaged and everyone swimming was safe.

Last night I was dreaming about the headless green bean men that lived in the fish bowl down the road from my parents. My brother and I decided to take a short cut down another road to beat his girlfriend to the house. We were riding a tandem bicycle. We somehow fell into the fish bowl with the green bean men and they had no heads.
I woke up at this point.
Every time I tried to go back to sleep, the green bean men had human heads badly sewn onto their bodies. The eyes were also sewn shut with big X's. So I was awake for the next 1/2 hour.

(this part is unfortunately NOT a dream) My son wakes up and I change him and make him a bottle. He is fussy for the next 1/2 hour. I check on him a few times and finally pick him up after I find his legs hanging out of the crib, they were stuck between the bars. I take him and put him into bed with my husband and I. Something I have only done 1 other time. for the next 2 hours he plays with my lips, my hair, the buttons on my shirt, and he caresses my faces. From time to time he delicately repeats DA DA DA DA. When he finally does fall asleep he has his cheek on my cheek. I move him so that I can go back to sleep. he wakes up. The kiddo wants me to be cuddling with him.

I finally fall back to sleep once my husband gets up and takes the boy at 7:20. At that point I dream again.

This time I am dreaming about a beautiful siren singing her song as she floats through the black sea gathering precious Ivory pieces on her way to an ancient Egyptian Empire. Once she arrives with the ivory pieces, she must put them together to solve a mystery and uncover a huge treasure. She must fight the off the Romans who are also there trying to uncover the treasure. At this point the dead Egyptians who are suppose to protect the treasure awake. The odd part is that Ivanka Trump was funding the expedition. Weird. At this point I wake up.

Today is the 3 year anniversary of a very special persons death.

Am I Really a Mom?

Last night I tucked in my 10month old son and headed off to bed myself. He had himself all whopper jawed and cornered in his crib. I straightened him out, put the blanket over him, and patted his bottom. As I walked to my bedroom I was thinking "I don't feel like a mom."

I don't feel like June Cleaver or Carol Brady. I don't feel like Samantha Stevens or Caroline Ingalls.

I don't get up at the butt crack of dawn and make pancakes, eggs, and have juice on the table. Lord knows my husband doesn't cheerfully come into the kitchen for breakfast as he kisses me good bye. I don't stay home all day doing laundry and house work. I don't have neighbors or relatives popping in all day long. I rarely have dinner ready before 8pm.

I am not only cranky in the morning, I am down right scary looking. I in no way look ready to conquer the day, sexy, or put together. My husband for sure knows not to kisses my morning breathe coffee flavored mouth and vice versa. I also work all day and ma tired when I get home. Because Colton is only up for another 2 -2 1/2 hours, I definitely do not want to clean or cook, I want to PLAY.

What is a mom supposed to feel like?
I feel like I love Colton more than anything else in the world. He is the love of my life.
I feel like watching him play.
I feel like listening to him laugh and watching him smile.
I feel like listening to all the sounds he makes as he is discovering words.
I feel like watching him discover grass, sticks, and stones.
I feel like watching him discover new flavors.
I feel like being the recipient of his hugs, kisses, and lovin'.
I feel like spending the majority of my time with him.
I feel like giving him the best of me.

All though I still feel like myself, I also feel a new overwhelming urge to give more than I receive.

Road Rage = Selfish

I take the same route to work every morning and the same route home every night.

I turn onto the road and the speed limit is 30 mph. I start out calm, I try hard to maintain this speed, there are many runners, walkers, bicyclists, and KIDS who walk along the sides of the road. The rage starts here. People do not want to go that slow as they are rushing to work in the morning. They are pissed at me for going slow and I am pissed at them for tailgating. BTW-if I am tailgating I like to call it drafting.

As we approach the traffic light you have to choose the appropriate lane because they branch off into different directions. This is another source of frustration. People never choose the lane they need to be in. Instead, they will gun it off the line and cut you off, just to be 4 seconds on front of you. This stretch also contains another frustration. You need to merge. People do not understand merging. Neither partner in this transaction understand merging. The cars needing to merge stop until there is a CLEAR opening (they have approx 1/2mile to merge). Instead of traveling at an appropriate speed and MERGING with traffic, they stop causing a pile up behind them and backing up traffic into the intersection. The oncoming traffic that needs to let the others merge do everything they can NOT to let them over. PLEASE. To let another car in front of you may add 10 seconds to your route.

The next source of contention is just ahead. By this time I am getting a little grumpy and my own road rage is starting to mount. 2 lanes merge into 1. Traffic lines up 10-15 cars deep. I hate it when someone gets into the lane that is ending and wants to be first in line, after all, you have waited through a few lights. I never let them in.

After a particular gentleman honked at me the other morning I contemplated my role in my daily commute that has become my road rage. I am no better than anyone else. I return client calls on my way to work, I eat breakfast, I drink coffee, put on make-up, fill out my bank deposit, write down notes and messages.

This is my own resolution. I will try to be as courteous of a driver as I can be for the next 14 days. After all it takes 14 days for an action to become a habit, right? Can I be this unselfish? The worst that can happen? It may take me 25 minutes to get to work instead of 20. The best? I could influence someone else, my son, to be a courteous and unselfish being.

i've been tagged

Okay, I got tagged! This is silly yet fun. Here’s how you play: Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment (you’re it) and to read your blog. You can’t tag the person who tagged you. Since you can’t tag me back, let me know when you’ve posted your blog so I can see your answers.

1. I love to dance. When I was a little girl I wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer. I use to practice in my basement to Prince's "let's go crazy".
2. Scooby Doo Is my favorite cartoon. My second favorite was Wonder Cats. I so had a crush on Liono.
3. My brother, Buddy, is my best friend.
4. Colton John Wildhorse is the love of my life. I can't believe I waited so long to become a mamas.
5. I love to sleep. I love to dream while I am sleeping. I can also control my dreams to a point.
6. I do not eat any type of seafood. None.
7. I love spaghetti. My absolute favorite dish.
8. When I grow up I want to build a log home in the mountains of Wyoming.
9. I am an American President buff. My favorite President is Abraham Lincoln.
10. My family recently had to put down Nanny, our horse who was 36 years old.

Let's see if I can come up with 10 friends.

Tami-I want to see what you have to say.

Erin-You most likely have nothing better to do. ;)

Kevin-We need to catch up, what better way.

Dawn-Getting to know you better.

Carol & Tara-I hate to tag you because I see you have already answered something similar, but I have no friends.

Abby-you are my longest friend.

1. OK I don't have 10 friends who blog. I am a looser.

Hello, My Name is Holly and I am a Candy Addict

I am sick, very sick. I have an incredible sweet tooth. Just my luck, I work 2 miles from the most cozy candy store. My great find there last week was giant rolls of Smarties. I also indulged in Cherry Gummy Bears, Licorice Wheels, and Sour Patch Kids. I have finished it all and I am craving more. Can I really be stronger than Hulk Hogan and have more stamina than Lance Armstrong? Only time will tell.
Saturday night, I took the bag of candy into the bedroom with me as I prepared for bed. My purpose was to hide it in my closet from Taos, my dog. I ended up in bed with it. When my husband came to bed he had this to say, "Would you like me to sleep on the couch so you can continue with your candy?"
I am currently looking for a support group.

Words of Wisdom from...Gloria Gaynor?

This last week I have realized that I can be stronger than Hulk Hogan, have more stamina than Lance Armstrong, and more compassion than Mother Theresa. My kiddo has been sick, actually pretty sick. Colt Wildhorse has an Ear Infection that started last Tuesday. I took him to the clinic on Wednesday. This is how the EI has tortured my poor Wildpants.

• Antibiotics on Wednesday night.
• Allergic reaction to antibiotics on Friday, Saturday, & Sunday (including the scoots & rash).
• Quit antibiotics on Saturday (per phone nurse).
• The scoots on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, & Tuesday(poor kiddo had shit in his armpits after one episode).
• Crying for 2 hours on Tuesday night
• Back to the Doc on Wednesday.

Poor kiddo not only still has an EI, he is also dehydrated. Throughout this Colton, has been such a strong little man. Still trying to play, eat, and learn new things. I, on the other hand have been trying to still go to work, go to the Doc's, stay up all night while Colton can't sleep, force Pedialite down his throat through crying convulsions, sat with throw up all over my PJ's holding my baby while he cries out because of his tummyache and earache. And I have a energy draining sinus infection.

All the while the words sung by Gloria Gaynor keep bouncing through my brain, "I will survive, I will survive". I wish she would shut up already, I'm exhausted.